It was Monday night. Willing myself to sleep, I was quietly praying until that moment of surrender would come. It’s been so elusive and hard gained lately, just one of the side effects of my medication.
My prayers stilled though as He began to speak. “Child, you’ve been believing me strong and powerful enough to completely heal your eye. Why won’t you trust me to help you cope with the side effects of your medication? Have you forgotten how much I care about ALL the details of your life? Did you not think my Spirit’s power sufficient to give you strength to cope in a godly manner?”
Humbled and a bit stunned I say, “No, God. No. You’re right. I haven’t been believing you for that.”
The realization is sickening. I’ve been trying to deal with it all on my own. The heart pounding anxiety that creeps up, the lack of patience I feel when I’m surrounded by chaos and most of all the harsh tone my words take on as they fly from my mouth in an effort to make it all stop.
It dawns on me that deep down a lie is lurking. I’ve been believing that God is not enough, that He doesn’t really care about something as pesky as side effects. The fact that I didn’t even think to ask Him to empower my mind and my will to overcome the negative effects of my medication shows me one thing. At the core of my belief system, I am lacking faith in His character as the God who is passionately interested in renewing every detail of my life.
Though tempted to feel shame, I at once feel delight and freedom. For a betraying lie once captured and identified can be imprisoned and put to death. And as the traitorous soldier is carried away, I find there is room for truth to enter in and dwell.
I’m so thankful that His Spirit is faithful to reveal to us the darkness in our own hearts, the lies lurking there that we have yet to confront. And I praise Him that He really is enough, that His power is unending, that His character is sure, that His works are perfect and His words are right.
Whatever you are facing today, I pray that you will look to the truth of God’s character and be changed at the core of your being as you cry out together with me, “Lord, I believe! Help Thou mine unbelief!
“Lord, you have brought light into my life: my God you light up my darkness.”photo: egahen