Friday, December 4, 2009

Bruises Fading, Fears Rising

There are only four of them left.   Streaks of purple and brown, standing as gates marking painful entrance to the river of life, to my life blood.  Gates pried open to give carriage remedy for my blind eye.

Fading to green and yellow now, they’re very unbecoming.  Still, I look at them and cringe a bit as they fade, crumbling away, being toppled by time.  Resentful, perhaps that they are stealing my reminder that I was sick.  That I was blind.  That I was broken.  That I called out to God in desperation, in full trust.  That He was there completely, powerfully encompassing me.

It’s not that I want to stay blind, to stay sick.  I want to see.  I plead with God for His mercy and the complete return of my eye sight. 

But as they fade, these bruises of mine, I find in their wake a wicked host of fears rising.  I should be honest.  It’s really only one fear.  The fear of forgetting.  But this woman, this fear, she quickly gives birth to a thousand children and before I know it they are surrounding me, laughing at me, mocking me.  Their names are mediocrity, normalcy, routine living, lack of the passionate pursuit of Jesus, failure to acknowledge His power and presence in my life again. 

And I don’t want to forget.  I can’t afford to forget.  I want this to be my Ebenezer, an indelible landmark upon the map of my life that God has been my Helper. 

Oh, I know fear will not guide me to the place that I long for.  For my fear is born of self dependence, of self effort, of self importance.  Self would never allow me to circumnavigate these treacherous, rocky straits.  It would not, because it could not for self can only return to self. 

There’s only one way I’ll only survive this storm of reproach and condemnation.  If I look up to my True Compass, God my Helper.  Only then can my ship be guided safely to the peaceful harbor of His grace.  Only then can I arrive whole at the beautiful banks of my homeland and run into His open arms.  Only then can I remain in the land of remembering.

“For the word of God is full of living power.  It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires.  It exposes us for what we really are.”  Hebrews 4:12, NLT

8 comments:

Donna said...

His mercy is new every morning and His truth will set you free.

This are my cling to verses!!!A statement of His truth and grace that never fails. He is the same yesterday, today, and tommorow.

Praising Him for the mercies in our lives every moment of every day!!

Delighting in Him

jennykate77 said...

Continuously lifting you up in prayer.

*hugs*

Gayle Schenkenberger said...

Shilo,
We've followed your journey through the darkness via this site and your e-mails and have been praying. Your faith inspires me. Will keep praying for complete resoration of sight and for remembrance of His sustaining power.

Your posts on My Place of Peace are so well written, they are a joy and encouragement to read. God bless you, Brad and the boys.

Tim and Susan said...

I love that verse..."thus far the Lord has helped me". We all need those Ebenezer's to remember what God has done, that He is faithful to continue His work in and through us.

Liz said...

Shilo, I stopped in to thank you for your prayers of encouragment yesterday, and find that I'm able to offer you some in return. May God bless you and heal you.

"He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together."
Colossians 1:17

Hugs,
Liz

Ana said...

Shilo,

I am praying for you and trust that God will soon answer to all these prayers and He will be exalted by your testimony, thank your for sharing this journey with us, even if it is not a happy one, you are encouraging us and your story has humbled my heart, thank you!

Hugs and blessings

Glitter and Bliss said...

Sweet friend.. I have been thinking about you way more than you know. Wondering how you were, and if your sight had been restored. I am so happy to read that things have improved. God is wonderful!!! You are "blessed". Big...Gigantic...Hugs to you and yours. Leslie

Rebecca said...

Shilo -- I'm so happy to hear of your recovery! Praise our Lord God!!!!

We pass through struggles and challenges and we change and grow. Remember that the children of Israel were told to construct monuments so that they would remember the times that God came through for them? The monuments weren't so much to keep them from forgetting as to be an icon for their children -- something to make the next generation say, "Why are those here?"

I was just thinking that sometimes the trials we go through are more for the benefit of those close to us. If they can see how God comes through for us, maybe they will believe that God can come through for them. I dunno. Just a thought, but I don't think that the people around you are going to be forgetting this miracle anytime soon. Our God is powerful and He will be glorified. The rocks will cry out if we don't!

I pray that God continues to use your life for His glory. You've been an encouragement to me today! Thanks!!!

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