There are only four of them left. Streaks of purple and brown, standing as gates marking painful entrance to the river of life, to my life blood. Gates pried open to give carriage remedy for my blind eye.
Fading to green and yellow now, they’re very unbecoming. Still, I look at them and cringe a bit as they fade, crumbling away, being toppled by time. Resentful, perhaps that they are stealing my reminder that I was sick. That I was blind. That I was broken. That I called out to God in desperation, in full trust. That He was there completely, powerfully encompassing me.
It’s not that I want to stay blind, to stay sick. I want to see. I plead with God for His mercy and the complete return of my eye sight.
But as they fade, these bruises of mine, I find in their wake a wicked host of fears rising. I should be honest. It’s really only one fear. The fear of forgetting. But this woman, this fear, she quickly gives birth to a thousand children and before I know it they are surrounding me, laughing at me, mocking me. Their names are mediocrity, normalcy, routine living, lack of the passionate pursuit of Jesus, failure to acknowledge His power and presence in my life again.
And I don’t want to forget. I can’t afford to forget. I want this to be my Ebenezer, an indelible landmark upon the map of my life that God has been my Helper.
Oh, I know fear will not guide me to the place that I long for. For my fear is born of self dependence, of self effort, of self importance. Self would never allow me to circumnavigate these treacherous, rocky straits. It would not, because it could not for self can only return to self.
There’s only one way I’ll only survive this storm of reproach and condemnation. If I look up to my True Compass, God my Helper. Only then can my ship be guided safely to the peaceful harbor of His grace. Only then can I arrive whole at the beautiful banks of my homeland and run into His open arms. Only then can I remain in the land of remembering.
“For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are.” Hebrews 4:12, NLT