God Shouts

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." C.S. Lewis

Though I don't ask for pain, it awakens my senses like nothing else can.  I have known this before.  Now I live it again.     

I see the spoon God offers me.  I put it to my lips reluctantly and wonder, "Can I really swallow this strong tonic?  Or will it kill me?"  I don't know if I can withstand this pain. 

I am weak and too often buried under my circumstances.  I have swam in the torrent of my own tears.  I've been captive of fear, prisoner of panic, slave of self-pity.    

"Lord, I believe!  Help Thou my unbelief!  Though you slay me, I will trust in You."  Tentative, I open my mouth to take it all in.  My unbelief lingers.  I expect to sputter out a "Marah".  

But instead I taste honey.  And it is good.  Not because it cures me.  Not because I suddenly feel no pain.  It is good  because it is wakes me up to God near, nearer than ever before.  He's everywhere.  His goodness, His mercy, His grace, His love, His comfort.

Do you think God is shouting?  Or am I just FINALLY listening? 

Continuing the count:

997. MS
1026. Jesus!  Hope!
1064. Driftwood cross
1099. All for His glory
1100. All for my good
1111.  Budding trees
1116. Laughing until you cry - twice in one day!
1129.  Heart groaning
1130. Redemption coming
1165.  God's friend
1174.  Gentle breezes
1206. Birdsong
1212. God shouting



God Is Good (Diagnosis:MS)

Easter 2011

Hi!  It's been so long since I've posted, you might not even know that I had been sick and we returned to the US at the end of March for some medical testing.

Last Friday my neurologist called to inform us that I have multiple sclerosis (MS). At this point, the disease does not appear to have done much damage, thankfully, and I feel well. We are still very much hoping to return to Paraguay, though we do need to remain in the US for now since I need to have some follow up testing in 6-9 months.

We would greatly appreciate your prayers as we process this information, work to educate ourselves about MS, and explore my options for treatment and prevention of future damage. There is currently no cure for MS, but it is very treatable and we have hope that I will be able to function well and manage the symptoms successfully for many years to come.

Now, if that was all that needed said, you would have seen this post three days ago when I started it.  However, I knew you would be concerned about how we are doing emotionally having received this news. And that's the part that's a bit more difficult to put into words. I would say we are grieving hopefully. Grieving because we are human and we fear the potential implications of having a debilitating disease. And hopeful because we wholeheartedly trust our Creator and Sustainer to be near and give us victory in this situation! Remember how the apostle Paul described it? "We are troubled, yet not distressed; we are perplexed but not in despair...Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed day by day."

Our heart's desire is to actively proclaim God's goodness, even in this. Maybe especially in this. He is good, only does good and works out all things for our good. MS=good? Crazy! It's a debilitating disease! But if a debilitating disease causes us to know Him more fully, it is. If it causes us to live more purposefully, more passionately, it is. If it brings Him honor in some way that we still can't foresee, it is. May you also taste and see His goodness today, no matter what you are facing in your own life!

Love,

Shilo

P.S. If you have a few minutes, I encourage you to read John Piper's excellent article "Don't Waste Your Cancer".  Obviously I don't have cancer, but I think the truths are transferable and it encouraged me!