I Wish I Could Do More

I got a letter from a dear friend the other day. She's going through an unspeakable trial. Heart breaking, gut wrenching, wake-you-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-thinking-about-it kind of a trial.

As I finished reading her letter, I found myself thinking, "I wish I wasn't so far away! I would love to do more than just pray"! You know, take a meal, watch her kids, be there to listen.

But in about one millisecond, the Spirit pressed in on me. It was quite uncomfortable actually.

Ouch. But He was right. It's so much easier for me to bake some cookies, or babysit, than it is to do the work of prayer. Once again, I showed that my knee jerk response is to try to DO something in my own strength.

Prayer wasn't my preferred response because prayer is an act of surrender, of utter dependance. It's proclaiming to God, "This is beyond me, but You are capable!" And I wasn't feeling desperate in that moment, I wanted to DO something to help.

But now, I do feel desperate. Desperate for the deep down soul belief that I NEED to pray and desperate for a behavior that manifests my belief.

"You can do more than pray after you have prayed, but you cannot do more than pray until you have prayed." John Bunyan

How have you grown in your appreciation for and need of prayer? At times like these, I'm so thankful that though I often fail to pray, the Spirit intercedes for me!